When You See Bright Red in a Forest
Years ago, I was in a tough place. I asked God to show me who I am... and I had an experience of complete surrender and the songs of God started pouring through me and out of my mouth. I wasn't moving my mouth, but it was moving, and I was miraculously singing in what seemed like perfect pitch (which I do not, do NOT have in the day-to-day, or ever before, and very few times since) - I didn't know what was happening, I didn't need to, because in the moments we are *fully surrendered* and in the flow of God's presence, it supersedes needing or wanting understanding - and people around me started spontaneously healing. The energy and consciousness of the room started shifting in ways that were *palpable* and *visible* to myself and others. Their bodies started moving, they started making sounds too, their consciousness and mine shifted beyond what I had ever known to be possible. The sound-codes/songs were opening and allowing a cosmic divine flow of healing to travel to or through us (or us to it, who knows) and all of us benefited in profound ways. To be clear - this wasn't 'me' - this was what happened when I let go of 'me' and 'let God.' Nonetheless, the next day I woke up in utter self-hatred & familiar self-judgment for being seen (and heard) and the immense vulnerability and my mind's difficulty understanding what in the world happened.
Months after that, it happened, again, in another group setting, and was even more profound. Songs, sounds, and languages were coming through me that weren't in my known language or vocabulary, or even my natural library of sounds. And the sounds I've never heard came with visuals I've never seen - and I could actually see with my own two human eyes (not just a vision-type awareness, or 'third eye' sight as some might say)...AND I and others could *feel* it, too. Sound-Seeing-Feeling-Moving all merged into union and one cohesive other-worldly experience. My consciousness expanded and "I" (Spirit moving within me) could read the thoughts of the people in the room, different layers of consciousness, and not just their thoughts, but their *entire* consciousness and quantum field including the 'akashic records.' And then we became to *move* *through* them. The healing flow moved through me, through others, through all of us and the unique ways our souls connected. My personal consciousness knew the sacredness of this and stepped to the side, knowing it was not 'mine' to see or know, and this energy then flowed through - as sound, light, movement, stillness, knowing... I remember glimpses but not any personal information about others besides myself and the healing *my* consciousness received from the experience. Even people who were not present, 'showed up' and healed in the flow with us. It felt like that experience lasted forever and would never stop - time and space weren't what we have been taught, at least not when connected to that level of Sacred energy & flow.
I received messages from every person who shared that sacred space and flow that night relating the profound healing. It was humbling to see, feel, and experience what the flow of God feels like and can do when we connect and surrender to it. It was validating that I wasn't crazy, or possessed, or any other number of judgements I could throw at myself. At this point, I *knew* who I was and what was happening, liberating me from my past habit of seeking+believing the projected judgements (via praise or criticism) of others.
Over a year later, having spent many nights singing alone to the earth, literally, mouth to the ground - opening my consciousness in my 'secret energy-rich spots' at home and elsewhere, and singing to and for myself, our human family, our children, and the world - I was home, alone, on a summer night. My children were with their dad that weekend. It was hot and the air was thick with the turmoil of traumatic world events. I felt deeply called to allow the songs to flow through me again - alone, this time calling to the earth, the elements, and the collective field. This time, the flow of sound sounded more like kulning, and was much, much louder. To me it felt shockingly loud and I was worried the neighbors would hear me. I was glad I was alone this time as I myself have had insecurities about who I am, being 'good,' being disruptive, being the center of attention, & being too 'loud' and 'weird' (acceptable vs. unacceptable) in the presence of others.
After a few hours of singing & letting the sounds flow, the wind began to howl, the sky turned dark, and the air felt and looked heavy. Very, very heavy. I ran into my backyard. I could FEEL it coming. A storm that was more than the storm. Did I call it in? Or did I just feel it coming and sang it home? Does it matter? I listened and watched the rain, and after a little while laid inside and listened from a dry space until I fell asleep.
In the morning, I woke to news of trees felled, electricity out, and much damage caused by the storm. I went for a walk with a dear friend in a small local preserve, tucked away near some major roads and business areas.
As we were walking, I saw her.
Well, first I saw red.
Bright red. In a forest of green and brown - Bright, blood red - from a tree - struck, broken, bent over, split open - and still alive.
Have you ever seen a a living, breathing tree split open? Her redness on display? Her insides, stretched, bending, and visible, yet not broken - soft enough inside to withstand the cracked outside? The wet inner life of the tree, the sinews of her, the criss-crossed thin fibers of her structure and strength, the bright redness flashing between the flesh-tones. Tiny insects already exploring and making new homes within her openings.
We paused as we saw her and were silent. The sight of her took my breath away. I went to her and placed my hands on her openings and breathed into the chasm of the deep something that was here, also in *me,* knowing how profound this moment was in my spirit even though my mind still can't quite piece the words together.
She reminded me of us. You and me.
She was showing me something important.
About the nature of things. About storms. About strength. About destruction. About flexibility, stretching, opening. About falling. About death. About new life. About the power of voice, and song, and our connections to all things - that we are everywhere, everything, always, all at once - fully alive and connected - and those glimpses of being 'one of the all' and 'all of the one' - of the connected fabric of which I am a part, and of which *I am* - the unity of me and all things - that can only be called God-Source-Creator - though that doesn't seem to suffice. No word could. It's so much bigger than any definition could label or our human minds could comprehend. It simply *is*. And it's who I am. Who you are. All of us. Every thing.
When you see a bright red in the forest,
When you see 'her' insides (and she mirrors to you, your insides)
You pause and honor what is,
You take her in, (and take, and let yourself in)
In the not-knowing, everything we need to know is already there.
And you let yourself sink into the wisdom your mind doesn't need to understand.
Your heart already knows.
Truth simply is.
And something in you whispers, "I remember" and you can't tell if its the rain, or your tears, or the dew falling from her branches, and you smile because it doesn't matter... and it's all the same.
We are One.